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Parties honoring a special guest involve different etiquette than those that don’t feature a guest of honor. As we approach this season of celebration, it is good to freshen up on the dos and taboos of party etiquette with reminders of the roles and responsibilities for the host or hostess, the guest, and the guest of honor. Let the celebrations begin!

Host

When hosting an event celebrating another person, your primary job is to plan the event with the needs and likes of the guest of honor in mind. One of the most important things to remember as the host or hostess is that this day is not about you. Try not to get caught up in all of the details that represent you. Instead focus on the details that will bring attention to the person you are choosing to honor!

1. Setting a Date
Consult with the guest of honor as you start planning regarding date and time. By working together, you can set a date that not only works well for the two of you, but also tries to accommodate the schedules of out-of-town guests or important family members whom the guest of honor will want to include.

2. Creating the Guest List
Six to eight weeks prior to the event, consult with the guest of honor regarding the people he or she wishes to invite. This will help both of you set the expectation for the size of the celebration and not put you, the host or hostess, in the predicament of trying to host an event larger than your space and budget allow. Although you may feel uncomfortable broaching the subject, you will feel much more uncomfortable when you try to throw a party that exceeds your spatial or financial means. If the number is larger than you were imagining and you want to make it work, find another friend or two to share the hosting responsibilities.

3. Sending the Invitations
Invitations should be sent no more than four weeks and no less than two weeks prior to the event.

4. Handling the RSVPs
If you choose to have the guests RSVP or send their regrets, keep a list by the telephone to track the response and help any family member that may take a call when you are unavailable. (See tools) If you choose to request that the guests RSVP, it is perfectly acceptable to have a respond by date, so you can follow up with the guests who have forgotten to do so.

5. Enjoying the Party
The better prepared you are for the event the more you and your guest of honor will enjoy it! Be ready when the guest of honor arrives. If they arrive while you are still bustling around, he or she may feel guilty for putting you out. Even if you are overwhelmed, do your best to act calm, cool, and collected. If the guest of honor wants to participate in the day’s events and asks to arrive early, save a few tasks for them: setting out glasses, lighting candles, etc. Do not give them a task that will jeopardize their appearance or clothing. It will be difficult for them to enjoy themselves if they are trying to hide a large food stain on their shirt.

Greet guests at the door. See that the guest of honor has food, beverage, and a seat if necessary. If gifts are delivered by mail or brought by guests, discuss when the guest of honor would like to open them. If there are several gifts, offer to record the gift and giver as the gifts are opened. (See tools for thank-you note tracking sheet.)

6. Toasting the Guest of Honor

A toast is a celebratory gesture that will be enjoyed by your guests. At an event celebrating a guest of honor, the host gives a toast during the dessert course or when before the dessert is served. During a cocktail party or other event when guests are standing and mingling, find a time when most of the guests have arrived, gotten acquainted, and settled into the event. If no dessert will be served, such as at a breakfast brunch, toast at the beginning of the meal. As the host of a large event, stand, raise your glass, and say a few kind words regarding the guest of honor. (Keep in mind that this is not a time to highlight your quick wit or humor; save the teasing and embarrassing stories.) At an intimate gathering where guests are seated around a table (four to six guests), you may remain seated. Close the toast with a raise of your glass and a few short words, such as “Please join me in toasting our friend ______.”Guest of Honor

1. Helping Your Host
As the guest of honor, it is your responsibility to help your host find a date and time that works well for you and supply names for the guest list. When the host asks for a guest list, offer as much information as possible. A list detailing first and last names, addresses, and telephone numbers will save your host from hours of research to track down information that may not be readily available to him. Responding in a timely fashion will also be appreciated. If you are very busy when the request is made, give a date or period of time when you will supply the information.

2. Presenting a Hostess Gift
A hostess gift shows your appreciation for the invitation; a thank-you note expresses your gratitude for the event itself. A hostess gift does not need to be large or expensive, but it should be thoughtful, keeping the interests of the hostess in mind. If you want to give flowers, consider sending them ahead of time so the hostess can incorporate them into the décor. It is perfectly appropriate to consult with the hostess about the colors or other flowers that she is planning to use.

3. Meeting and Greeting
Arrive on time for the event. Be ready to greet the guests. When you are the guest of honor, it is your primary responsibility to mingle. Be aware of the amount of time you spend with any one guest. If there are guests that you have not seen in a while, make plans to get caught up outside of the party. Brush up on your introduction skills, a perfect social technique to implement when you need to work a room. When you bring people together by introducing them and supplying a bit of information about each person, you are able to excuse yourself without feeling the responsibility to keep the conversation alive. Always excuse yourself from a conversation.

4. Writing Thank-You Notes
Even if you make the effort to thank each guest for his or her gift as you open it or give a mass “thank you” to the guests, it is still appropriate to send a handwritten thank-you note. Notes should be written and sent as soon as possible. The amount of time it takes to send a thank-you expresses how truly thankful you are. Purchasing the thank-you notes and stamps ahead of time and having someone with legible writing write down the gifts as they are received will help the process go smoothly.

5. Offering a Reciprocal Toast
If a toast is given in your honor, you may raise your glass but not take a drink. Just as you do not clap for yourself, so you do not drink to yourself. After the toast in your honor is made, respond with a reciprocal toast, thanking the host for the event and their effort.Guest

1. Responding to the Invitation
In our busy lives, it is easy to postpone responding to an invitation until we figure out our schedule. If the hostess requests a reply, decide whether or not you will be attending the event in a timely fashion—not the day before or the day of the event—out of respect for the hostess and her planning.

Check the envelope before you discard it: the names on the outside of the envelope communicate who is invited.

2. Selecting a Gift
When a party is recognizing a guest of honor, it is courteous to arrive with a gift celebrating him or her unless the invitation reads, “No gifts please.” Rather than disregarding the request and bringing a gift, which may make the guest of honor and other guests uncomfortable, arrange another time to give the present to the guest of honor. Perhaps plan for a lunch date or a time to stop by his or her home to drop it off.

3. Choosing an Outfit
When in doubt, ask. One of the best ways to gauge the attire is to find out what the host or most importantly the guest of honor is wearing. Although we always want to look our best when attending a party and it is the perfect time to invest a bit more into the process, we should never intentionally or unintentionally upstage the guest of honor. Knowing what he or she is wearing will help you not to over - or underdress.

4. Attending the Event
When a host has gone to great lengths to prepare for a party, it is rather rude to “make an appearance.” Just stopping by communicates that although they are important enough to make your social obligation list, they are not important enough for you to stay.

When you RSVP, plan to actually attend the event out of respect for the host and/or the guest of honor. If you have multiple events, it is always best to choose one and stick to it. Even though we want to try to attend everything, it is important to keep in mind that this party is not about you, it is about honoring another person. So choose to attend the entire event or graciously decline.

If you do have to leave early, let the host know when you RSVP, and make an effort to also communicate your early departure with the guest of honor.

5. Leaving the Party
When it comes time to depart an event, say good-bye to the host and guest of honor before heading to the door even if they are in the middle of a conversation. Wait until they are at a breaking point in the dialogue, then thank them for the effort of throwing the party or for including you on the invitation list.